新竹福華飯店之旅:不是很奢華的體驗 Luxury Hotel Review: Howard Plaza Hotel Hsinchu

新竹福華飯店之旅 Luxury Hotel Review: Howard Plaza Hotel Hsinchu

(scroll down for English version)

台灣詐騙集團世界聞名,不實廣告更是難看穿。訂房網站上的旅館照片跟交友網站的詐騙照一樣利害。連熱愛旅行照相的殘編也被新竹貌似五星級福華飯店照「騙」了。
殘編以往只住五星級飯店(先別恨我),除是因為從小的習慣之外,潔癖也是一大原因。殘編沒朋友的原因,就是因爲我最討厭講好聽的話巴結他人,英文稱之為”Kiss Ass (親屁屁)” ,所以也不能接受用擦別人馬桶座的毛巾,拿來當擦臉毛巾的想法。
English:
Taiwan is infamous for its fraud culture, including false advertising. Booking a good hotel is tricky. Online hotel photos are like Tinder profiles, the real thing is usually a hit or miss. I’m a messy clean freak, so I usually stay in luxury hotels. Hotels are star-rated for a reason. I don’t have friends because I don’t kiss asses, and I don’t like my face anywhere near anybody’s bum; that includes wiping my face with the same towel that’s used to clean the toilet.

我唯一一次委屈求全是透過手機APP:HOTELS「吐奶」訂了一家特價旅館,結果他們送給我的是跟了我一年的「香港腳」紀念品,還真是物超所值啊!
English:

The one time I compromised and booked a budget hotel through “Hotels “X-night,” I brought back an annoying souvenir called “athlete’s foot,” which stuck with me for a year. I guess you really do get more than what you pay for with that app.

新竹福華飯店之旅 Howard Plaza Hotel Hsinchu
新竹福華飯店之旅 Howard Plaza Hotel Hsinchu

這家打著「奢華飯店」招牌的福華「大飯店」我還真不知道哪裡「大」,車子沒有路開上正門,我們只好「鑽地洞」從機械式停車場上樓。房間又是攝影師另外一個詐騙傑作,連床都沒鋪平。房內空間也是哈比國版,是為了配合我這哈比人嗎?!

English:

Awarded 4 stars by the Taiwan Tourism Bureau, Howard Plaza Hotel provides no grande entrance for us, we work our way up from the underground garage, mechanical. The room is another scam, another masterpiece by the photographer;  are we in hobbit land?

新竹福華飯店訂五星級飯店行以及安排行程曾是我的強項,但也許是停滯太久,我的奢華旅遊計劃能力已大不如從前。殘編除了熱愛旅行外,也酷愛拍照修圖。台灣五星旅館本來就難找,自以為身經百戰已能看出「工具」與「實物」之差的我,這次好不容易找到在新竹貌似五星級的福華飯店。沒想到居然被照「騙」了。原來台灣有這麼厲害的攝影師,我再也不敢說自己是內行人了。。。
美食是萬事的解藥。據說它可以討好一個生氣的女友,安慰一位沮喪的媽媽,慰勞一名疲倦的司機,甚至撫平一車失望的旅行者,我們這裡有三個。我們五點抵達旅館,旅館內除了一樓的HOVII「咖啡廳」外,連一家像樣的餐廳都沒開。我不禁心想:這家「大飯店」裡面到底有什麼?該不會是為億萬富翁所打造的私人招待所吧?
飢餓的我們只好將就在這家HOVII CAFE覓食,但失望並沒有在這裡畫上休止符,我們想點的沙拉和烤德國豬腳、義大利麵都缺貨,憂鬱的下一個階段是躁鬱,以躁鬱、怒火燒胃的我們這時看到菜單上「炸雞鬆餅」,在台灣不好找的美式料理。這時我已氣消一半,再看到所搭配的是「楓糖漿」——加拿大的名產時,我已破「氣」為笑,興奮的在椅子上彈跳,「肌」餓化為「雞」餓。

人生的歷練鞭打我三十年,打到我殘了還教不會。期望越大,失望越大不是嗎?鬆餅像得ER(一種疾病,勞假讀者自行谷歌),軟趴趴的,搞到我性興致都沒了。
這裡的炸雞雖然脆,但是裡面炸的不知道是什麼,很像素炸雞,我們該不會在吃炸麵粉吧?聰明的友人點了「國王的菜單」上的日式鮭魚定食。鮭魚似乎真的可以長腦明眼,要不是她雪亮的眼睛在進店時,看到門口「隱藏版」的菜單,一個老花、一個腦殘的我們,還真的不會發現它的存在。鮭魚定食有兩小碗泡菜、一塊豆腐、一碗味增湯和一碗飯,是唯一像樣的餐點。
新竹福華大飯店水準如何,是否達到五星級飯店水準,完成你的奢華旅行夢想,尚請君一探究竟!

Have you been to Howard Plaza Hotel Hsinchu, which brands itself as a “luxury hotel”? Do you think it lives up to its “four-star standards? Let us know in the comments below!

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  • Fashion Ecstasy

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