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Watch Our YouTube Video First:
How I Tried to Reverse Time with 6 Beauty Products and Failed Hilariously (But Gloriously)
by a sun-kissed diva with a freckle-ridden soul
They arrive—six sparkling potions of promises in a box so pretty, I almost feel pretty again just holding it. My hands tremble like I’m unboxing a diamond engagement ring, except it’s better—because this won’t cheat, ghost, or leave me with trauma bonding and a UTI.
This is The Set.
🌚 Product #1: The Amino Acid Cleanser
A gentle but effective cleanser that removes impurities at the same time without stripping the skin (a.k.a. the facial priest that exorcises sins but in a gentle way).
I squeeze out a pearl-sized amount of this thing, and I swear, it looks like the tears of K-drama male leads—milky, shiny, and emotionally unavailable. I foam it up between my palms and whisper a quick prayer to my damaged skin barrier before massaging it in.
The lather is so soft I feel like I’m being ghosted by a cloud. It doesn’t strip. It doesn’t judge. It just washes away the sins of my reckless twenties: the acrylic foundation cakes, the tanning beds, the 7AM hot pot after clubbing. I half expect it to start singing ‘Hallelujah’ like a gospel choir.
I rinse and look in the mirror.
My skin doesn’t scream or flake. She just… sighs. A soft, relieved sigh. It’s a moment of comfort, a reassurance that these products are on my side. Me too, sis. Me too.
💧 Product #2: The “10 Cups of Water” Hydrating Gel
A refreshing gel that instantly hydrates and plumps the skin. I apply a generous amount on my face and neck. I gently massage the gel in until fully absorbed.
The texture? Think: aloe vera hooked up with a jellyfish in a glacier. It’s a description that’s as bizarre as it is hilarious, keeping the amusement factor high and the audience entertained.
Cold, thick, bouncy. Like my butt used to be before the carbs hit.
I slap it on, and BOOM—instant Korean drama glow filter. It’s like a magic trick, a sudden transformation that leaves me in awe and excitement. It’s a reminder that change is possible, and it’s right here in this jar.
My skin drinks it up faster than I drink gossip.
I legit start crying because I feel like one of those hydrating sheet mask commercials except I’m the BEFORE and the AFTER at the same time.
Is this what moisture feels like? Is this… hope?
💎 Product #3: The 3D Light-Reflecting Sunscreen
Okay. This is the moment of truth.
As someone who used to mock sunscreen as a scam invented to sell lies, I am pumping this out and bracing myself.
It’s creamy but light—like whipped tofu with ambition.
No white cast. No clown makeup. No, “I just got ghosted by my BB cream” look.
It glides on and gives me an unsolicited glow-up.
I look into the mirror and scream.
I AM THE RING LIGHT. I AM THE FILTER.
I almost forgive myself for the sunburn I got at 27 in Tulum after falling asleep drunk on a paddleboard.
🧬 Product #4: The Elasticity-Boosting Serum
First of all—”skin so tight it launches into space”?! CHALLENGE. ACCEPTED.
I squirt out a tiny bit. It’s clear, viscous, and smells like ambition.
I press it into my face, and within seconds—my face tightens like my ex’s wallet when it is his turn to pay.
It’s not sticky. It’s not greasy.
It’s just… lifted. Like someone cast a “Botox spell” with natural ingredients.
I start posing in the mirror like I’m in a La Mer ad.
Then I sneeze, and it’s gone. But still, 10/10, I would relive the delusion again.
☁️ Product #5: The Spot-Correcting White Cream (a.k.a. Freckle Exorcist)
Oh, the irony.
Once, I wore freckles like shame.
Then Amanda Seyfried’s doppelgänger told me they were cute, and I clung to them like a Canadian clings to politeness.
Now, at 38, they’re not “freckles” anymore. They’re “age spots.”
Love really is conditional, isn’t it?
This cream—light, almost mousse-like—goes on easily.
I whisper an apology to my melanin and dab it onto every memory spot of my youth.
It tingles gently, like it’s judging me silently but kindly.
Like a dermatologist who knows you snuck into tanning booths in 2007.
🌿 Product #6: The Herbal Shampoo (a surprise MVP)
This thing claims it’ll de-puff your scalp and make your head feel cool like some menthol spa fantasy.
WELL.
I massage it in and almost have a religious experience.
My scalp goes from “hot garbage dump” to “Alaskan glacier ice bath.”
The itch? Gone.
The flat, greasy roots? Volumized.
My mood? Elevated. My brain fog? Lifted.
I start hallucinating that I’m a Pantene ad girl.
Except I’m standing naked in the bathroom with a towel turban and yelling to my mom,
“MOM! This shampoo actually makes my face look smaller!”
🧠 Final Verdict:
Have I reversed time? No.
Do I now glow like an Instagram filter? YES.
Did my freckles run away screaming? No—but they look like they belong on the cover of a J.Crew summer catalogue now.
Have I finally forgiven myself for abandoning sunscreen? Almost.
Let me finish another round of that 3D sunscreen, and I’ll get back to you.
But I’ve realized:
Beauty isn’t about erasing the past. It’s about remixing it into something fabulous.
And if it takes 6 overpriced potions to feel that way? Honey, I’ll lather, slather, and jelly-smack them on like a true diva reborn. 💅✨
Wanna hear about my next face crisis? Or how did I accidentally use the serum on my armpits once? Hit me up.
You know I’ve got stories.
